Amazing Images

How To Become A Dad

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. 'Why?' my daughter asked. 'Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs' I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, 'Momma, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart.'

I was thinking quickly. 'All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mom Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mom.' We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

'OH...I get it!' she beamed, 'So if you don't pass the test you have to be the dad. ' 'Exactly' I replied back with a big smile on my face.

Thinking Aloud

A Veteran - whether active duty, retired, guard, or reserve - is someone who, at some point in his life, wrote a check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life".That is Honor, and there are too many people in this country who no longer understand it ! ! ! !

No, the United States of America is by no means a perfect country, but it's my country and I shall defend her 'til the day I die!

***********************************************************************A billion

This is too true to be funnyThe next time you hear a politician use the word "billion" in a casual manner, think about whether you want the "politicians" spending YOUR tax money.

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.

B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.

D. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain, let's take a look at New Orleans It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division . .Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D), is presently asking the Congress for $250 BILLION to rebuild New Orleans. Interesting number, what does it mean?

A. Well, if you are one of 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, child), you each get $516,528.

B. Or, if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets $1,329,787.

C. Or, if you are a family of four, your family gets $2,066,012.

Washington, D.C .. HELLO!!! ... Are all your calculators broken??

Inheritance TAX!!Accounts Receivable TaxBuilding Permit TaxCDL License TaxCigarette TaxCorporate Income TaxDog License TaxFederal Income TaxFederal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License TaxFood License TaxFuel Permit TaxGasoline TaxHunting License TaxInheritance TaxInventory TaxIRS Interest Charges (tax on top of tax),IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax),Liquor Tax,Luxury Tax,Marriage License Tax,Medicare Tax,Property Tax,Real Estate Tax,Service charge taxes,Social Security Tax,Road Usage Tax (Truckers),Sales Taxes,Recreational Vehicle Tax,School Tax,State Income Tax,State Unemployment Tax (SUTA),Telephone Federal Excise Tax,Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax,Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Tax,Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax,Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax,Telephone State and Local Tax,Telephone Usage Charge Tax,Utility Tax,Vehicle License Registration Tax,Vehicle Sales Tax,Watercraft Registration Tax,Well Permit Tax,Workers Compensation Tax.

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'

And I still have to "press 1" for English.

I hope this goes around THE USA at least 100 times

What the heck happened?????

MEANING OF A RELATIONSHIP

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years.He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a youngcouple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her onthe neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy isan escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of timein jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, justgive him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you.

This guy isprobably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong,honey. I love you".To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He waswhispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, andasked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it."Be strong, honey. I love you, too."

Is This Real?

A Lighter Side -- Panda Story

A panda bear walks into a bar and orders a sandwich. The waiter brings him the sandwich. The panda bear eats it, pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter, and gets up and starts to walk out. The bartender yells for him to stop. The panda bear asks, "What do you want?" The bartender replies, "First you come in here, order food, kill my waiter, then try to go without paying for your food." The panda bear turns around and says, "Hey! I¡¯m a Panda. Look it up!" The bartender goes into the back room and looks up panda bear in the encyclopedia, which read: "Panda: a bear-like marsupial originating in Asian regions. Known largely for it¡¯s black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."

McTrain